FF7 - No More Tears

Hair weighed down from the rain that continued to fall, she remained standing there in perfect silence while staring at the heavy wooden doors that stood before her. It had started with one. One step out the front door of her bar, one drop of rain from the clouded sky that loomed over all in the city of Edge, nothing she thought to concern herself with as there were other matters that needed more attention. But then came another. And another. Then another still, one for every step she took and more until the entire city of Midgar was slowly bathed in a soft curtain of rain.

Thinking back on it, the young woman supposed she should have turned back then and there, saving her crusade for another day more fitting. But for Tifa, any day she managed to bring Cloud a little bit closer towards the light he had once held in the past and away from the darkness that clung to him now was a fitting day. And she would see to it herself. Because Tifa needed that visual assurance that Cloud had managed to come back safely and that he was alright. Even if she knew he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, the barmaid needed to know for sure for her own sake. The both of them had known each other for too many years and had been through too much for it to be any other way. And so she had continued on, determined if not concerned about the one person who had always held a small place in her heart. Perhaps it was love that kept him there, maybe the simple care of a friend, or something beyond both which only the two of them could understand. But he was there all the same, his position solid and irreplaceable among all the faces of their journeys. And so, the thought of finding him and making sure for certain that he was safe motivated her every step. Through the dark shower and low rumble of the spring rain, through blinding chill and shaking limbs, Tifa continued until she found herself standing in front of the old church in the ruins of Midgar. Her church. And sure enough, there was Fenrir parked before the stone structure.

"Of course he would come here."

To go to the church had been her first thought. It was the most likely place the blonde could be found anywhere within the limits of Edge, especially since Cloud could scarcely keep himself away from the place ever since... So much of Aerith was there. And though it was with some bitterness, Tifa knew that it was the only place in all of Midgar that he could find some amount of solace while dealing with his guilt. After the incident with Kadaj and his band of remnant delinquents, Cloud had begun to rebuild his life again, seeming happier or at least more content than before he discovered the stigma within his own Mako-intoxicated body. But great progress never came easily and stumbles were expected from time to time.

The cliffs just outside the city would have been the next place to look if the church had proven fruitless, where Zack... But it would have been too far for her to go on foot, even if the rain did not seem like much of a hindrance. And then she would have had to curse her own dependency on the young man. It was not often that the barmaid would leave the limits of Edge or Midgar, but when Tifa needed to go anywhere far, Cloud had always been the one to take her.

Earthy-brown eyes shifted to the side to sweep over the black and gold curves of the bike in hesitation before the gleam of the engine drew her attention up towards the clouded sky where a bolt of lightning reached across the dark expanse, the first she had seen in the past hour since the rain had began. And for one brief moment in time, it illuminated the world in a gentle glow, seeming more like a desperate hand calling out for comfort and care from any who were willing to give it. With a sigh, Tifa could not help but note the irony of such a sight as the following crack of thunder echoed across the distance.

It was a constant debate that had been occupying the young woman's thoughts for a while now: to offer him help in dealing with his issues or to simply step aside and let Cloud come to her when he was ready. For years, Tifa had left the choice up to him. But he was not the type to talk much of his thoughts much less ask for help in dealing with such issues; the past few years had been enough of an indication of that truth. So the young martial artist felt it was time to take matters into her own hands. At the same time, she questioned whether it was her place to offer him any help. What could she know of his doubt, his confusion? But surely, an attempt that led to nothing was better than the silence that had become so much apart of their lives.

With the back of her hand, Tifa pushed away the long strands of hair sticking to her forehead and stepped forward, out of the soft sprinkle of rain and towards the imposing doors that stood as the last barrier between her torrid resolve and his possible salvation. She found herself hesitating once more as chilled palms slowly pressed against the heavy door, molding to the intricate designs carved in the wood. But with one last sigh to calm her own nerves (a small release of pent up emotions that had collected over the past few weeks, months, perhaps even years) and the image of her dearest friend residing in his solitude, Tifa gently pushed inward into the shadows of the young man's sanctuary.

Rusting hinges groaned loudly in protest to her efforts, breaking the soft silence that had settled as the sound echoed against the stone slabs and stained glass that still remained of the building's old structure. Casting one last glance behind her at the drenched wonderland that would be her only reprieve if she backed down now, Tifa waited until only the light patter of the rain could be heard over the sound of her own shuddering breath before daring to peek inside of the hallowed place. And she could not help but pause in silent awe while taking in the scene that seemed to stretch out towards her, gripping and pulling her thoughts back into the dark memories that had haunted Tifa's steps since that faithful day when the upper plate of Sector 7 fell and ended so many lives.

The crumbled ruins that surrounded them from his brief battle with Kadaj were reminders of a past that had yet to rest no matter how much all of them had tried to repent for their actions, their sins. Even after diverting her concentration into those who remained, those few who had survived, pouring out all her care and kindness to the well-being of the orphans now littering the streets of Edge, Tifa could still not find enough comfort for the wrongs they had all committed that day. If not the others, then she would hold herself accountable until the day she could find absolution. Though in the very least, as Denzel's  health improved more and more with each passing day, it was getting slightly easier to forgive herself for such a mistake. After all, one end marks another beginning.

...But they had made a lot of mistakes in those days.

Inhaling deeply and taming all thoughts that were headed down that familiar and dark road, the barmaid steeled herself and placed all focus on seeing through the shadows, and the demons that hid within them. Tifa was not here for them, just him. Only for him...if he would have her, that is.

"...Cloud?" she called out softly, still unsure if it was her place to disturb him like this, here where his mind had always seemed to belong Her and no one else.

As expected, there had been no initial response, nothing to break the steady beat of the rain or the gentle splatter of water from the glistening pool, the only thing that remained of the once and still beloved Cetra whose essence covered every inch of the church. Unconsciously, her fingers inched up to touch the ribbon tied around her arm, always a constant reminder of the painful sacrifices they all had made. And with it came a sharp pang of guilt and sadness, so familiar to the deep recesses of Tifa's heart. Aerith ...I... But there were no words, no sentiment both empty and realized that could express her feelings towards the death of the last Ancient...her friend and companion despite an unspoken rivalry for Cloud's attention during their journey across Gaia.

And then she caught the slightest bit of movement in the far side of the church. Though Tifa's eyes had not adjusted enough to see much more than a few feet in front of her, that shock of blonde hair could never go unnoticed, especially against the monotone backdrop of both Midgar and Edge. It was not much of a gesture, but from him it had been enough of a sign, prompting her to take another step further in between the gateway to the outside world and the serene calm that could be found within.

"It's late," came the deep tone of his voice, "You shouldn't be here."

At that, Tifa tilted her head and gently quirked a brow in his general direction, still poised at the opened door as if waiting for an invitation to enter. "I could say the same to you."

Feeling a brisk wind stream in through the entrance and the crisp chill prickle out through her damp limbs, she reasoned that it was perhaps better not to linger and quietly took a step inside, letting the heavy door ease close with a soft click of the latch. After all, what good would this crusade of sorts be if Tifa would be forced to stifle down shivers and the risk of pneumonia due to her own hesitation? And just as before, with one step came another, and another, until only the soft thump of her feet against the wooden floorboards could be heard against the rapping of the rain.

Bit by bit, she got used to the mingled sounds, of a thousand raindrops pattering against glass and water and stone, and of her own muffled steps tapping out a steady beat as if to harmonize together with them in a song or deep conversation that only nature could understand. It was an ominous sound, one that weighed heavily in her heart. And yet it was comforting at the same time to have something fill in the void of silence that he was not inclined to provide. It would always be left up to her to make the first move.

"Halfway here, I started to wonder why I didn't come sooner." Carefully, she walked along the edge of the pool with her hands clasped behind her back in a fashion that was reminiscent of her days in school. But such things were beyond them now, Tifa realized as she took on his slumped form seated nearby. Still, it did not stop her from continuing with her thought in hopes of getting some reaction from him. "The other half of the way was spent wondering why I didn't turn back."

"...How did you know where to find me?" A full sentence. That was a good sign.

But to his inquiry, Tifa could only give a light snerk in amusement, coupled with a small quirk of her lips. "Give me some credit, Cloud."

The response he gave was soft and would have more than likely been difficult to hear, especially over the splatter and drip of the rain hitting the surface of the pool. But the deeper tone of his voice seemed abrasive and contrasting to the lighter sounds that surrounded them, working so that she was able to make out the low murmur of a simple 'Hm' as was his usual reply to most statements. And that was enough of one for her. Tifa had spent a good amount of years in his company to understand most if not all of what the young swordsman meant in his coded language of one-syllable words and grunts. But to those sort of answers, she could only sigh, the brief moment of playfulness dissipating as the young barmaid took a few more steps forward to seat herself beside him on a fallen pillar.

Nervous fingers clenched and released in her lap, fidgeting with restless anticipation for what might be said or discussed in a conversation between the two of them that only they would know about. It was just as well and better that way, she supposed. He would talk to no one else of these things, these matters that encompassed so much of his heart and soul. Or perhaps...she was the only one who could manage to get Cloud to talk at all. Knowing the truth behind that, Tifa focused her eyes on the shadowed movement of her fingers for another moment more before concentrating on the rippled surface of the healing waters that stretched out before them.

"I don't know why, but I always expect this place to be different every time I come here." Where once there stood a field of flowers of beautiful yellow and glowing white, there now bloomed a rainbow of water lilies, each as beautiful as the next despite the dull overcast of the night and the downpour that would threaten to drown them all out of existence. Still, the pool seemed to sparkle with her radiance and charm. Her elegance. And at the sight of them, Tifa could only smile. Of course She would find a way to make the flowers bloom again.

Life. That had always been her gift. After all, it was those same waters that had once brought him back to them, to her. It was she who had helped give him back his life and love of living. "But I guess some things never change, hm?"

She could almost hear the amusement in his tone, see the smirk flash faintly along his lips as a breathless scoff breezed out. "Yeah."

He said nothing more, though it was unnecessary for him to do such. Tifa understood as she always had. Besides, Cloud's silence spoke more than any words he could ever say.

Aerith had always been a hard subject for the both of them to discuss after what had happened at the Forgotten Capital. Now it seemed like a distant memory. But the truth was that no matter how much time had passed, it would always seem like just yesterday when the last Ancient had been walking among them so cheerful and hopeful. Happy. And so precious was her memory that neither one could bring themselves to even speak her name outside of thought, though it was obvious that she was constantly on their minds.

"It's been almost three years already."

"...I know." In a blink, Tifa shifted her gaze down a fraction, watching as her hand reached out to feel the raindrops fall against her palm, seeing remnants of distant memories that lingered around the edges of her consciousness reflected along their surfaces. Faces she would never see again until it was her turn to make the trip into the Lifestream. "I miss them too."

It was a hard thing to believe that both Zack and Aerith had died within the time frame of a year. Their journey had seemed so long, filled with daring adventures and dangerous obstacles in their battle to save the world. So many sacrifices for one cause, linked by a singular enemy. She had known them separately as two individuals with no connection other than their existence in the timeline of her life, ended unexpectedly by enemies Tifa had spent a good number of years fighting against. First it had been ShinRa, and then Sephiroth. -- Or had it been the other way around, the barmaid wondered, remembering the events at Nibelheim and the face of the silver-haired man so clearly. -- But it was only after hearing the stories from Cloud's recovered memories, of his days in the SOLDIER program, and only after connecting the dots of information his memories provided that they realize... Zack had been the one Aerith had loved, or at least the one she had cared deeply for, before...

Tifa supposed it was true what they said: it truly was a small world, after all.

Lips pressed together in a thin, grim line, she idly rubbed the droplets between the pads of her fingers to pass the time, just something to do to fill in the empty space that carried them from one reply to the next. After waiting another moment, Tifa turned to cast a fleeting glance at her longtime friend from the corner of her eye. "...Are you still blaming yourself?"

There was a pause, as if he was hesitating to answer her. But he knew as much as she did that deep down inside, Tifa already knew the answer. It was just a matter of him confirming it and making it all the more real for the both of them. That was why he would not reply immediately. But she knew that he would. He could never lie to her, especially not now. "...Maybe."

Thin brows crinkled together instinctively with the familiar weight of worry clenching at her chest. "Cloud - "

" - Tifa." She stopped short, brown eyes turning to him in mild shock. "Of all days, I feel it more now. But I'm not leaving again. I promised I wouldn't. It's just..."

Silently, she watched him struggle to grasp at the exact words he wanted to say, simply let out a soft sigh when he could not manage to do so. And all Tifa could do was look on with worry. He was frustrated, she noted to herself, and it was beginning to show in his actions. While it had been perfectly normal for him to recede back into his shell of solitude, Cloud Strife was never one to interrupt her. Normally, he would just let the Tifa continue on with what she had to say before responding accordingly when she was done. His mother had raised him to be such long ago. But the young woman supposed there was a first time for everything. And by the way he was looking, the rigid way his clothes hung off of his body and tint of grief that glowed in his mako-filtered eyes, the swordsman had done it with no ill-intent.

"...I know." Here, she smiled, trusting that he would be able to see it through the light of his enhanced senses. It was not all that big or expressive, just something subtle and light. Not like the ones she had given out to the drunken customers at her bar, and certainly not like the ones she had been using to lie to their friends, and to herself. It was a genuine one, just for him. "It's ok. You're only human, Cloud."

That seemed to be enough for him, only letting a small sound of what Tifa took as approval slip from his lips before the both of them settled back into their comfortable silence once more. Nothing else needed to be said. Nothing ever needed to be voiced between the two of them. And she was content to have it stay just as that as a smile lingered at the corner of the woman's lips.

"So...why didn't you?"

"Hm?" Tifa turned her head to gaze at him with an expression of mild curiosity, pulling back her hand and wiping off the excess rainwater on the cloth of her shirt. She had not expected him to say more, still did not. But his inquiry confused her and she hoped that he would elaborate on his question.

"Why didn't you turn back?" Not surprisingly, he refused to meet her gaze.

Insert another faint, but still genuine smile. Did he really need to ask? "...Because...I had a feeling that you needed me." A short pause and a quick debate before she made the decision to finish her thought. "And...maybe I needed to see you too."

As expected, Cloud did not respond, at least not in a way that she could clearly decipher. Only a small dip of his head and a slight shift in his gaze in reaction to her words. Just as well, Tifa thought. There were other, more immediate matters to deal with.

"...Why are you here?" Ah, moment of truth.

"Well, there was that...and there's also the message I got from Yuffie." Tifa paused for a split second as Cloud shifted in his seat, readying himself for the information she was about to give. "She says people are disappearing and that the WRO need our help. I was going to wait for you to come back, but..."

I wasn't sure when you'd be back, she wanted to say. But she left the sentence at that instead, unfinished, trusting that he would complete it on his own.

"Tifa... I'm not a hero."

Another sigh passed through her lips at the old subject matter. So much doubt was laced in his thoughts. So much baggage came with the darkness of his past. And no matter what Tifa said, he would continue on believing in them until HE chose to think otherwise. Perhaps that was the reason why he could tolerate her presence over all the others. Because she was willing to accept him for his faults without the need to constantly push him before he was ready. If Cloud wanted solace and an end to his suffering, it would have to be his decision and no one else's. All Tifa could do was support him in anyway that she could.

"I know." And her understanding could be heard in the gentle tone of her voice. Even her gaze seemed to carry all that was necessary to reach past the barriers he placed up around himself to touch the deepest chambers of his soul. "But...they're not asking for a hero, or a leader. They're just asking for help...from an old friend."

That seemed to catch his attention as his head shifted to the side, finally meeting Tifa's gaze for a brief second in thought before he turned away once more. But it was enough. A moment later, Cloud bowed his head in what could only be described as shame, or perhaps regret. Though it had not been her intention to give him more grief and guilt, if it meant that he would better receive her message, Tifa would take whatever she could manage.

"Enough excuses, Cloud." No more pushing us away. Pushing herself up from where she sat, the barmaid continued. "We can't let them fight this alone." ...Just like I can't let you fight this alone.

With nothing else to say and no other matter left for them to discuss at that moment, she could only stand there and wait for his answer. If Cloud refused, then she would have no choice but to leave without him. But if he accepted, then there could still be a chance for him to have his happy ending. And Tifa wanted that for him most of all. But this had to be his decision. And as the minutes ticked on, her optimism faded, dimming until she was almost certain of his answer.

Sighing in disappointment and an undertone of sadness, the young woman turned with the intent of leaving her companion alone with his misery...until the call of his voice brought her back.

"...Then...we won't."

And with it, came a renewed sense of hope.